Objectives:
- To provide a venue for parents and youth to address common concerns and to thresh out areas of difficulty, with the goal of achieving unity and building a peaceful environment in the home.
- To strengthen family life by educating both parents and children about their roles, skills, and responsibilities in building a Christian home.
Suggested Schedule:
AM
8:00 - 8:30 Registration
8:30 - 8:45 Prayers
8:45 - 9:00 Opening remarks, statement of objectives, and proper conduct of forum by the
Couple team leader
9:00 - 9:45 Talk 1: God's Plan for the Family
(Speaker should be a CFC parent)
9:45 - 10:30 Group Discussion: youth among youth and parents among parents
10:30 - 11:15 Talk 2: RSVP – Roles and Skills Verified and Practiced
(Speaker should be a CFC parent)
11:15 - 12:00 Parent Child Dialogue
PM
12:00 - 1:00 Lunch
1:00 - 1:30 Teaching of songs
1:30 - 2:15 Talk 3: Healing Relationships between Parents and their Children
2:15 - 2:30 General pray-over
2:30 - 3:00 snacks
3:00 - 3:45 Talk 4: Partnership in Building a Christian Home
(Speaker should be a CFC parent)
3:45 - 4:30 Parent Child Dialogue
4:30 - 5:30 Personal sharing
OPTIONAL:
6:30 - 8:00 Lord's Day Celebration and Dinner
8:00 - 9:30 Program / Presentation of Parents & Children
9:30 closing prayers
NOTE:
The FER 1 is given as a whole-day session or on 2 separate days (but not too far apart).
To the Couple team leader: In the opening remarks, explain the goals of the YFC FER and the right manner of conducting the dialogue between parents and children - for both parties to enter the dialogue in the right spirit of love, openness, and mutual respect.
CFC Youth for Christ
Family Enrichment Retreat 1
Talk 1: God's Plan for the Family
I. Introduction
A. What would the world be without the family?
(Ask the audience for some answers).
Think about that for a moment. Will the world still be in order? Probably not, because there wouldn’t be any sense of authority and obedience. Will people be united? Maybe not, because people will be confused about their identity and where they came from. Will everyone be happy and productive? Perhaps not, because most of them will be broken, alone, and confused about their identity. Will they learn how to love? Surely not, because the source of love only comes from the parents and they pass this on to the children. Will people come to know God? Definitely not, because the family has safeguarded the faith and has passed this on from generation to generation. And it is through the family that God reveals His perfect plan for His people.
Realizing these things brings us to awareness that the family is really part of God’s plan. He has designed and instituted the family so that it brings life, love, and order into the world that He has created for us.
B. If this is God’s plan for the family, then why are families breaking up?
Statistics clearly show that more than 50% of families are breaking up in most first world countries like the US, Australia, and some parts of Europe. There are certain factors that are affecting the family now, which cause its destruction:
1. Neglect of basic responsibilities – Some people busy themselves with their career that they neglect their basic roles and responsibilities to each other. They think that giving money and amenities to their children will compensate for their lack of time and hope that it will keep them all together united and happy.
2. Redefinition of the true meaning of family – World leaders are now re-defining the concept of family. They are now insisting that if two men or two women love each other and adopt a child or an animal, then they can be called a family. Today’s science and medical technology further adds to the complication through artificial conceptions and DNA cloning.
3. Fear of raising a family – Some people who were traumatized with their parents’ breakup reject the traditional meaning of family. Instead, they remain single while involving themselves in illicit relationships and have themselves children out of wedlock. Then they raise their children as a single parent.
4. Media and its propaganda – Media is constantly conveying messages to the young that the family is obsolete. Certain comedy sit-coms (like Married with Children) belittle the family.
5. Satan and his mission – Scripture says that Satan is like a lion who prowls seeking the ruin of many. We may not see him but he plants seeds of envy, selfishness, anger, and conflict in the hearts and minds of men and women. If these enslave parents and children then the family is bound to suffer.
II. What Actions Should We Take?
Despite the threats and dangers, there is always hope. God is calling us to take part in this huge battle to save and empower the family. Jesus beckons all of us who are tired and wounded from the daily struggles within our family to come to Him as He says in Matthew (Read Matthew 11:28-30).
As a family, we can decide to:
1. Come to Jesus in this FER and surrender to him all our “knowledge” or perceptions of what our idea of a family is. Some of us might have a distorted or incomplete view of what the true family is all about.
2. Learn our basic roles as family members and develop certain skills we can use to reach out to others better.
3. Rest our hurts, resentments and selfishness. Take time to heal and be healed.
4. Take on the challenge to rebuild and strengthen your family the way God intended it to be.
III. Conclusion
The family is God’s gift to us. It is beautiful and relevant. But there are natural and unnatural forces that besiege it. Therefore we must begin to stand up for what is right. Let us take on the challenge to be winners and decide to be great as a family, fully restored to our dignity and purpose that we may stop the spread of brokeness in this world by starting to renew it beginning with our homes.
Activity: Group Discussion (45 minutes)
Group parents among parents (maximum of 5 couples per group) and children among children (maximum of 6 per group). Discussion starters are as follows:
1. For the parents:
Share about your family. What is your idea of the Christian family? What are the forces that are attacking you family now? What should you do about it?
2. For the youth:
Share about your family. How do you see my parents live out their basic roles? What are the influences that you are getting from media or friends about the family? What can you do as a son/daughter to bring your family according to God’s plan?
Scripture References
Genesis 1:27-28, 2:18
1 Timothy: 3:4-5
2 Maccabees 7
CFC Youth for Christ
Family Enrichment Retreat 1
Talk 2: RSVP – Roles and Skills Verified and Practiced
I. Roles of Each Family Member
Family members have distinct roles to play in bringing about unity, order, and success in family life. Here are some general roles each one fulfills in the family.
Husband
1. He is a husband to his wife. He meets all her needs (physical, emotional, and spiritual).
2. He is the provider (source of income), protector (general welfare of each member) and, pastor (leads prayers and brings his family to Christ) of the family. He is also a pro-creator with his wife and God.
3. Together with the wife, they form a team in caring for their children. He initiates disciplining the children. He especially raises his sons to be true men of God.
4. He takes care of the physical upkeep and maintenance of the home (garage, car, and repairs).
5. He is a model of love and affection to the children. A model of Christ in the home.
Wife
1. She is a wife to her husband. She meets all his needs (physical and emotional).
2. She is a co-provider (in some cases where the wife has to work to augment family income). She generally does home budgeting.
3. She is a partner with her husband in caring for the children. She especially raises her daughters in womanly Christian character.
4. She is generally responsible for the home’s order and upkeep. She initiates shopping, prepares meals and is in-charge of other kitchen activities.
5. She is a model of love and affection to the children. She models Mama Mary in piety and service.
Son
1. Takes after the manly Christian character of his father.
2. He helps in physical repairs and maintenance in the home.
3. He is the protector of his siblings. He helps tutor his younger brothers and sisters.
4. He helps drive for his mother if he is able.
5. He learns to lead in family prayers.
Daughter
1. Takes after the womanly Christian character of her mother.
2. She helps in groceries, meal preparation, and other chores in the kitchen.
3. She helps tutor her younger siblings.
4. She helps the mother in the home’s order and upkeep, as she will be doing this with her future family.
5. She learns to be responsible and sensitive to the needs of the family members.
II. Good Communication
A. Love and Communication
The parent and the young adult share a relationship that is built on love. This relationship is a personal, life-long, and stable commitment to love and serve and it is important to express this love.
• for parents: providing, teaching, educating, disciplining
• for young adults: show of gratitude, care, respect, obedience
While communication supports the basic function of giving facts, information, and understanding, it is also meant to be an expression of affirmation and encouragement.
B. Obstacles to Good Communication
1. Stereotype images – Some parents are biased to think that the young adults are rebellious and always needs to be disciplined so the tendency is to always look for something wrong and criticize. Some young adults, on the other hand, view their parents as authoritarian or conservative which discourages them to open up their feelings, fearing that they will not be understood. We need to discard these images if we want to reach out to each other.
2. Listening is not a priority – Most of us say that we don’t have the time to spend with our children or our parents simply because we don’t give priority to express ourselves with our parents or children. Make time to sit down and listen.
3. Poor listening skills – Often do we hear but seldom do we really listen. When we listen, we do not just hear the voice of the person but we hear the voice of the person’s heart. We listen with empathy and try to put ourselves into the situation of the speaker. We also do not select only the things we want to hear but listen to every detail without being biased or judgmental.
4. Hurts and resentments – This also pose a threat to good communication because if one of the parties is hurting towards the other, then the tendency is to create a barrier and be defensive all through out the dialogue. Any resentments or unforgiveness should be set aside so that a smooth flow of communication will happen.
C. Decision to Communicate
Communication is a decision. We do not communicate because things got out of hand or there is a need, but we also need to express our feelings regularly and consistently. Deciding to communicate is a decision to love.
1. See that communication is essential to your relationship with the family.
2. Make an agreement to seek out each other.
a. For parents to see their young adult within the life stage that he is in, and respect the manner in which he chooses to respond to his young adult life.
b. For the young adult to see their parents' love and concern, and their struggle to "let go" and allow the young adult to make his life choices.
3. Make time for regular dialogue. Plan out your one-on-ones and set aside regular dialogue time weekly to sit, talk, and share your lives with each other.
4. Ask God to bless your efforts to communicate.
a. Pray for the openness to share and to listen to each other.
b. Persevere in communicating despite all obstacles and hindrances.
c. Have faith in God. The power of the Holy Spirit is at work in the family.
III. Conclusion
The only way to a successful family life is by going back to the basics of roles and communication. No matter how prayerful we are or how well we provide for our children, frustrations and resentments will always come up if we fail to empower roles in our family or practice good communication with each member.
Family Discussion
1. Discuss the roles of each family member. How is this true in your family? Is everyone aware about each other’s responsibilities?
2. Evaluate how communication happens in your family. What are the obstacles that you encounter? Write down your resolutions for good communication. (For parents, you may want to set your regular one-on-ones with your children at this point).
CFC Youth for Christ
Family Enrichment Retreat 1
Talk 3: Healing Relationships between Parents and their Young Adults
I. Introduction
Along the way in the process of bringing the family together, members may have unintentionally (or intentionally) hurt each other. Knowing that hurts and resentments are big obstacles to being a united family, we will seek to resolve this by coming before the Lord and asking Him for His grace to forgive and heal.
A. We Need to be Healed
1. The body cannot function well with a broken limb. In the same way, a family cannot function well or respond to the call of God to evangelize if relationships are broken.
2. It is a fact of life that parents and young adults view things differently (on a lot of issues) - not because one of them is wrong but simply because they have different experiences and mind processes. For example, on late parties. Parents insist on safety, but young adults also need to make new friends. Both are correct. A point of agreement, however, is needed.
3. People generally see differences as a source of conflict. Rarely do they see these as a source of potential strength. Also, people generally focus on the problem and not on the solutions. Actually, differences are not necessarily problems. They are simply situations, which need to be managed. These, however, cause hurt feelings, especially when situations are not managed.
4. The evil one is causing division in Christian communities, the family not being spared. It therefore should be an intentional act from parents and children to create and heal relationships because that would neutralize the workings of the evil one.
5. Our Lord is an example of harmony - as He lived with people (tax collectors and sinners) with actions differing from His.
B. Nature of Healing
1. It is a gradual process - We need to forgive, then consistently build up trust in one another on a day-to-day basis. Healing therefore is an act of love.
2. Care is needed - We need to care for feelings even after forgiveness has been given.
3. Follow-up - We need to see if the persons involved are experiencing difficulties in whatever agreements made. e.g. If healing means that one gives up a habit, we need to follow up and provide assistance.
C. Obstacles to Healing
1. Pride
• unwillingness to give up old ways
• unwillingness to forgive and forget
2. Deeper resentment of parents
Parents themselves may be harboring the effects of a childhood experience or trauma - and this could be affecting the parents' decision to forgive or heal relationships.
3. Doubt
• "that it will not work out"
• “that the intentions are not sincere"
4. No follow-up to find out areas in which each needs help.
5. No trust build-up (as discussed in the earlier portion).
6. Parties are not prayerful. The Lord's strength and wisdom is key to forgiving and forgetting.
II. The Healing Process
A. Steps to Effective Healing of Relationships
1. Pray for strength, humility and openness
2. Discuss each other's hurts in the relationship. (Parents are expected to take the lead in this).
• Clarify hurting experiences they have or clarify certain behaviors which "caused" the hurt.
• Affirm love, forgive(or seek forgiveness) and promise to give each other another chance.
3. Offer action plans to our Lord through prayer and ask Him for empowerment
4. Pray for healing. Parents pray for the young adult and then the young adult prays for the parents.
D. How to Support the Healing Process
1. Stress on active communication / active listening - not just for facts but feelings.
2. Strive for honesty and building the environment that supports honesty. E.g. If we ask each other to be honest, but honesty about negative behavior becomes unrightfully punished, then the environment in effect discourages one to be honest.
5. Do family prayers especially for peace and harmony.
6. Symbolic acts of love and unity (give examples for each)
a. Wholesome family entertainment
b. "One-hug-a-day" rule
c. Gift-giving
d. Honoring
C. Personal Testimony (sharing of son/daughter of speaker)
D. General Pray-over (to be led either by the team leader or the speaker)
Prayer of Parents for their Young Adults
Father in heaven, we praise and thank You for Your precious gift to us, our son/daughter, _____________________. We praise and thank You Lord for sustaining us all these years, especially in our role as parents. Father You know our imperfections and our sinfulness. Yet, despite these weaknesses, You grant us the privilege to pastor our children.
There were times when we felt the burden of bringing them up, providing for their needs. And whenever misunderstandings arise, tempers spark because of the pressures of daily work. It hurts us deeply, Lord when in the silence of our hearts, we can feel their resentment towards us, especially whenever our opinions clash
Thank You Lord for Your loving presence in the midst of pain, confusion, anger and despair, as we perform our roles in the family. Through Your merciful heart, we pray that You make this an occasion for both of us to forgive and reconcile with one another, to patch up our differences and be healed. If we have fallen short of their expectations, if ever we have disappointed them, more so hurt them by our indifference, insults, over-protectiveness and selfishness, forgive us Lord and may our children forgive us too.
With gratitude, we offer to You our children. Thank You for calling them. Together, cover us with Your Son's Most Precious Blood, that we may be strengthened in our service, humility and obedience. Let the water from Your pierced heart also cleanse and purify us. May You always be the center of our lives, and may our very own lives pay homage to You as our King and Savior IN JESUS’ NAME. AMEN
And to you, my son/daughter, know that we love you and always will.
Prayer of Young Adults for their Parents
Father in heaven, thank You for this day when You once again manifest Your love for us. Father, allow me to thank You for my parents. For making me realize their personal sacrifices and struggles in bringing me up. For opening my eyes to see them as persons capable of living, yet vulnerable to hurts and pains, which I oftentimes inflict on them; for opening my heart to be able to love, respect and obey them, because You have placed me under their care. Help me, Lord not to question Your wisdom, rather with obedience and humility, love my parents as You want me to, Remind me that in doing so, I love You too.
Lord, You knew me even before I was born. I can't hide anything from You...even my thoughts, dreams and escapades. You know too well how the world pressures me. You know how hard I try to hide my insecurities to the point that my grades suffer, and I become arrogant, indifferent and rebellious.
I come to Your altar today, together with my parents, to show You that I'm still a child longing for love and guidance. Whatever space there is between me and my parents, fill it up with Your protection and grace. Whatever hurts there are, heal these.
I offer to You myself, including my bad traits and weaknesses. Bless me, Lord, and together with my parents, be our guide. Make us partners in evangelizing other families IN JESUS’ NAME. AMEN.
And to you my parents, know that I love you and always will
III. Conclusion
"I am confident of this, that the one who began a good work in you will continue to complete it until the day of Christ Jesus." (Phil. 1:6)
The experience that we have just gone through is but a start. We need to realize that healing is a continuous process. We need to decide daily to be instruments of healing, opening ourselves up to God's grace, allowing Him to complete the work that He has begun in us.
CFC Youth for Christ
Family Enrichment Retreat 1
Talk 4: Partnership in Building a Christian Home
I. Introduction
God is the center of every family. Therefore we must decide to make our home His home. Only by inviting Jesus in our home can we truly take part of his blessing upon us as a family.
A. What is a Christian Home?
1. A Christian home is a place where faith is nurtured
• where the Lord Jesus reigns
• where prayer and scripture form an integral part of family life
• where the Lord's goodness is recounted and remembered.
2. A Christian home is a place where service love is experienced.
• where each one is eager to serve others
• where father leads, mother supports, and children obey
• where children are introduced to service as a natural part of life
• where members are open to how the Lord wants to use their home for His purpose.
3. A Christian home is a place where peace and order is shared.
• where relationships are working well
• where the pattern of life is relaxed and orderly, free from the frantic pace of the world
• where God's providence and provisions are experienced
B. Partnership in Building a Christian Home
As a family, we need to make decision to have the Lord reign in our home.
While father takes active headship in bringing this about, this can be realized if the mother and the children support the decision. Young adults in the family have a responsibility to participate in the decision-making and to support what the family members agree on.
1. Assess your home as it is now:
a. Elements that are not of God's dominion
• Check if you have family decorations or heirlooms which are not Christian such as antique statues or superstitious ornaments
• Reject any superstitious beliefs your ancestors may have passed on to you like i.e. feng shui, broken mirrors, bed arrangements
b. Quality of worship life
• What are the family’s rules regarding going to mass together?
• How often are family prayers held and who leads?
c. Quality of family life
• How can we make relationships meaningful and deeper?
d. Values lived within and outside the home
• What values and principles does the father have for his family?
• What are the family’s rules regarding: going to mass together, guests, use of phone, use of car, use of computers, entertainment, parties, etc…
2. Prepare a plan, citing goals, time frame, things to do for building your home for God.
3. Have the right mind and attitude about your decision to build your home for God. Open yourselves to the Spirit’s leading and be obedient to God’ Word. Pursue your plans with decisiveness, determination and consistency while being realistic in your expectations.
4. Periodically evaluate your progress against the plan that you have prepared.
II. Conclusion
In John 15:5-10, Jesus tells us that He is the True Vine and that without Him, we will be nothing. This is true for the family. No matter how rich or poor we may be, no matter how broken or whole the relationship, Jesus can restore it and give it fullness.
He has offered us this truth and we must respond to this by making our home His home. Together, let us move on in this hostile world prepared and armed because Jesus will lead us on to victory in whatever situation the family may face. As long as we are connected to the True Vine, our family will bear much fruit and will be a legacy left for our future generations.
Family Discussion
Discuss concrete resolutions to cooperate with one another in building a Christian home. Refer to the talk outline part I letter B:
Assess your home as it is now:
1. Elements that are not of God's dominion
• Check if you have family decorations or heirlooms which are not Christian such as antique statues or superstitious ornaments
• Reject any superstitious beliefs your ancestors may have passed on to you like i.e. feng shui, broken mirrors, bed arrangements
2. Quality of worship life
• What are the family’s rules regarding going to mass together?
• How often are family prayers held and who leads?
3. Quality of family life
• How can we make relationships meaningful and deeper?
4. Values lived within and outside the home
• What values and principles does the father have for his family?
• What are the family’s rules regarding: going to mass together, guests, use of phone, use of car, use of computers, entertainment, parties, etc…
5. Prepare a plan, citing goals, time frame, things to do for building your home for God.
6. Have the right mind and attitude about your decision to build your home for God. Open yourselves to the Spirit’s leading and be obedient to God’ Word. Pursue your plans with decisiveness, determination and consistency while being realistic in your expectations.
7. Periodically evaluate your progress against the plan that you have prepared.
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